“Creating a Christmas Season Your Children Will Want to Remember”

Christmas is a special time of year for children.  When they’re grown, many of the times they’ll remember most about their childhoods will come from the holidays.  Will your children remember their holidays as being happy and carefree or as stressful times when everyone was on edge? 

It’s easy to get caught up in things that don’t matter during the hustle and bustle of the holidays.  I know, I’ve “been there and done that” when my older children were small and I was a young inexperienced mother.  Now I’m older, and thank goodness I’m a little wiser.  These days I find myself relaxing more and really enjoying our times together during holidays.  As the saying goes, “If momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!”  Isn’t that so true?  Mothers can really set the tone for family dynamics. 

Over the years I’ve learned a few strategies for keeping myself calm and at ease so that I’m setting a positive tone for my own family’s dynamics during the holidays.  One thing I’ve learned to do is to plan well in advance so that I’m not shopping at the last minute for gifts, frantically decorating, or rushing out to the store to gather items for our holiday feast. 

Another strategy I’ve learned is to focus on the people in my life and not the things in my life.  Where I used to worry if the house was “just so”, I now try to focus on making my family members feel welcome, engaging in meaningful conversations, playing games, or making sure we do the various tasks I know need to be done together. 

Where I used to try and be “Super Mom” and do it all myself, I now divvy up the work (wrapping gifts, preparing food, cleaning up, etc.) so that everyone plays a functioning role in our family unit.  What’s wonderful is that we have grown closer as a family since I’ve replaced my solo act with this teamwork approach to the holidays. 

After our traditional Christmas morning waffle breakfast, I love hearing the kids bantering as they do the dishes or watching the big kids teach the younger ones how to play their favorite games on Christmas Eve.  I’ve also found my children learn a lot about cooking when they’re assigned a dish to prepare, but more importantly they learn they are a valued member of our family because they have real responsibilities to the larger whole.

So don’t forget to plan ahead for the holidays, focus on people (not things), and relax knowing you don’t have to do it all by yourself!  In doing so you’ll be building happy memories of the holidays for you and your children that will carry you through the years.

In closing, I’d like to wish all of my Parent Professor blog followers a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!  My business partner, Kelli Gebbia, and I feel really blessed this year to have successfully launched our company, Workshops-in-a-Box.  There’s no greater gift to either one of us than to hear positive comments from educators and parents like you who appreciate what we’re doing.  Kelli and I experience genuine joy when we see children having so much fun during our workshops!  So thank you for supporting us and know we appreciate what you’re doing for children too.  We count the opportunity to work with great teachers and parents like you as one of our greatest gifts.

"Parents Taking Over Student Projects"

The planning and construction phase.

When I was an elementary school teacher it was really obvious to me which of my students’ projects were actually parent projects.  Perfect lettering on presentation boards, museum quality modeling, a preponderance of store-bought items, and topics that only adults would conceive were all “dead giveaways”.

Good-intentioned parents, wanting their children to earn good grades or compare favorably to their classmates’ efforts, often resort to taking over school projects.  Maybe you remember feeling helpless as your own mom or dad took over one of your school projects when you were a child.  It is a common mistake too many of us parents make, but let’s give ourselves a break.  Our motives are pure, are they not?   We’re just trying “to help our kids”.

But how much help is too much help?  This is my litmus test: I know I’m helping too much when I’m denying my child the opportunity to gain the many skills required to take a project from start to finish. 

I acknowledge stepping back and not helping too much is easier said than done.  I had to keep the control-freak that’s in all of us to one degree or another in check just last week when I helped my son Max with his science project.  His teacher assigned him to create a model of a biome.  If you already know what a biome is, kudos to you.  I admit I didn’t have a clue.  So I looked up the definition.  A biome is a “distinct group of life forms that share a particular habitat.” You know like a desert or tropical rain forest.  Anyway, Max decided he wanted to create a model of a deciduous forest.  Why?  Max explained, “Skunks live there and I want to make a skunk.”  Kids keep it simple don’t they?

The skunk hanging out in Max's deciduous forest.

Anyway, as we worked on the project, I kept asking myself if I was helping too much and tried my best to resist the urge to do so.  Afterwards, I reflected on our experience together and came up with the following guidelines that will hopefully guide you through your own child’s next school project:

• ·       Give guidance and direction, but don’t take the lead.  You’ll know you’ve gone too far when you hear your child complaining “but that’s not what I want to do!”
• ·       Help your child understand the directions for the assignment by reading them over together and asking your child to tell you what the specifics of the assignment are using his or her “own words”.  The grade a teacher gives a project is usually based on how closely a student’s final project aligns to the criteria given in the directions.
• ·       It’s okay to assist your child in doing the research necessary to learn about his or her project topic, but make sure the child learns from the material gathered.  For example, I showed Max how to do an Internet search on his topic.  We looked at many different websites together.  Then Max decided which ones we should print and then read them on his own.  He wrote down ideas for his model and even made a sketch.
• ·       Guide your child through the many stages of planning a project, but follow his or her lead.  I had Max tell me his ideas and then I asked him questions such as, “How might you make a waterfall?”  “What materials will you need?”  We made a list as we worked through the planning stage together.  We tried to think of creative ways to use materials we already had around the house so that Max could take credit for most of his product instead of WalMart.
• ·       Don’t think the final product has to look perfect.  It’s a child’s project after all and the teacher will judge it accordingly.  I did give Max a lot of help with the base of his project because it was beyond his ability at age nine to do so.  But when it came to what was put on the base, Max was “large and in charge”.  He also decided what would go where.  When he needed help making his vision a reality, he directed his siblings or me on what he needed us to do.  For example, he found twigs in our back yard and cut out “leaves” from construction paper, but he needed me to hot glue the leaves on the twigs since he isn’t allowed to use a hot glue gun yet.
• ·       Don’t forget to have fun!  It’s easy to get stressed out under the pressure of a project deadline.  Start the project well before it’s due so that the learning experience is a positive one for everyone involved.
• ·       And finally don’t forget to celebrate your child’s finished product.  Take photos, brag on the good qualities, and tell your child how proud you are of his or her effort. 

Follow these guidelines and your children are sure to turn projects that they can honestly call their very own!     

Classmates admire Max's finished product!