“Creating a Christmas Season Your Children Will Want to Remember”

Christmas is a special time of year for children.  When they’re grown, many of the times they’ll remember most about their childhoods will come from the holidays.  Will your children remember their holidays as being happy and carefree or as stressful times when everyone was on edge? 

It’s easy to get caught up in things that don’t matter during the hustle and bustle of the holidays.  I know, I’ve “been there and done that” when my older children were small and I was a young inexperienced mother.  Now I’m older, and thank goodness I’m a little wiser.  These days I find myself relaxing more and really enjoying our times together during holidays.  As the saying goes, “If momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!”  Isn’t that so true?  Mothers can really set the tone for family dynamics. 

Over the years I’ve learned a few strategies for keeping myself calm and at ease so that I’m setting a positive tone for my own family’s dynamics during the holidays.  One thing I’ve learned to do is to plan well in advance so that I’m not shopping at the last minute for gifts, frantically decorating, or rushing out to the store to gather items for our holiday feast. 

Another strategy I’ve learned is to focus on the people in my life and not the things in my life.  Where I used to worry if the house was “just so”, I now try to focus on making my family members feel welcome, engaging in meaningful conversations, playing games, or making sure we do the various tasks I know need to be done together. 

Where I used to try and be “Super Mom” and do it all myself, I now divvy up the work (wrapping gifts, preparing food, cleaning up, etc.) so that everyone plays a functioning role in our family unit.  What’s wonderful is that we have grown closer as a family since I’ve replaced my solo act with this teamwork approach to the holidays. 

After our traditional Christmas morning waffle breakfast, I love hearing the kids bantering as they do the dishes or watching the big kids teach the younger ones how to play their favorite games on Christmas Eve.  I’ve also found my children learn a lot about cooking when they’re assigned a dish to prepare, but more importantly they learn they are a valued member of our family because they have real responsibilities to the larger whole.

So don’t forget to plan ahead for the holidays, focus on people (not things), and relax knowing you don’t have to do it all by yourself!  In doing so you’ll be building happy memories of the holidays for you and your children that will carry you through the years.

In closing, I’d like to wish all of my Parent Professor blog followers a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!  My business partner, Kelli Gebbia, and I feel really blessed this year to have successfully launched our company, Workshops-in-a-Box.  There’s no greater gift to either one of us than to hear positive comments from educators and parents like you who appreciate what we’re doing.  Kelli and I experience genuine joy when we see children having so much fun during our workshops!  So thank you for supporting us and know we appreciate what you’re doing for children too.  We count the opportunity to work with great teachers and parents like you as one of our greatest gifts.

"Parents Taking Over Student Projects"

The planning and construction phase.

When I was an elementary school teacher it was really obvious to me which of my students’ projects were actually parent projects.  Perfect lettering on presentation boards, museum quality modeling, a preponderance of store-bought items, and topics that only adults would conceive were all “dead giveaways”.

Good-intentioned parents, wanting their children to earn good grades or compare favorably to their classmates’ efforts, often resort to taking over school projects.  Maybe you remember feeling helpless as your own mom or dad took over one of your school projects when you were a child.  It is a common mistake too many of us parents make, but let’s give ourselves a break.  Our motives are pure, are they not?   We’re just trying “to help our kids”.

But how much help is too much help?  This is my litmus test: I know I’m helping too much when I’m denying my child the opportunity to gain the many skills required to take a project from start to finish. 

I acknowledge stepping back and not helping too much is easier said than done.  I had to keep the control-freak that’s in all of us to one degree or another in check just last week when I helped my son Max with his science project.  His teacher assigned him to create a model of a biome.  If you already know what a biome is, kudos to you.  I admit I didn’t have a clue.  So I looked up the definition.  A biome is a “distinct group of life forms that share a particular habitat.” You know like a desert or tropical rain forest.  Anyway, Max decided he wanted to create a model of a deciduous forest.  Why?  Max explained, “Skunks live there and I want to make a skunk.”  Kids keep it simple don’t they?

The skunk hanging out in Max's deciduous forest.

Anyway, as we worked on the project, I kept asking myself if I was helping too much and tried my best to resist the urge to do so.  Afterwards, I reflected on our experience together and came up with the following guidelines that will hopefully guide you through your own child’s next school project:

• ·       Give guidance and direction, but don’t take the lead.  You’ll know you’ve gone too far when you hear your child complaining “but that’s not what I want to do!”
• ·       Help your child understand the directions for the assignment by reading them over together and asking your child to tell you what the specifics of the assignment are using his or her “own words”.  The grade a teacher gives a project is usually based on how closely a student’s final project aligns to the criteria given in the directions.
• ·       It’s okay to assist your child in doing the research necessary to learn about his or her project topic, but make sure the child learns from the material gathered.  For example, I showed Max how to do an Internet search on his topic.  We looked at many different websites together.  Then Max decided which ones we should print and then read them on his own.  He wrote down ideas for his model and even made a sketch.
• ·       Guide your child through the many stages of planning a project, but follow his or her lead.  I had Max tell me his ideas and then I asked him questions such as, “How might you make a waterfall?”  “What materials will you need?”  We made a list as we worked through the planning stage together.  We tried to think of creative ways to use materials we already had around the house so that Max could take credit for most of his product instead of WalMart.
• ·       Don’t think the final product has to look perfect.  It’s a child’s project after all and the teacher will judge it accordingly.  I did give Max a lot of help with the base of his project because it was beyond his ability at age nine to do so.  But when it came to what was put on the base, Max was “large and in charge”.  He also decided what would go where.  When he needed help making his vision a reality, he directed his siblings or me on what he needed us to do.  For example, he found twigs in our back yard and cut out “leaves” from construction paper, but he needed me to hot glue the leaves on the twigs since he isn’t allowed to use a hot glue gun yet.
• ·       Don’t forget to have fun!  It’s easy to get stressed out under the pressure of a project deadline.  Start the project well before it’s due so that the learning experience is a positive one for everyone involved.
• ·       And finally don’t forget to celebrate your child’s finished product.  Take photos, brag on the good qualities, and tell your child how proud you are of his or her effort. 

Follow these guidelines and your children are sure to turn projects that they can honestly call their very own!     

Classmates admire Max's finished product!

"Parent Involvement Research Takes Flight"

I’m 30,000 feet in the air on Delta flight 6265 headed towards Detroit as I write this blog.  Across the aisle from me there is a mother calling out questions from her teenage daughter’s study guide.  So far I’ve deduced the daughter is most likely in high school and based on the advanced literary terminology she’s being quizzed on, she has a killer English exam looming on the horizon.  I’m listening to the mom posing questions to her daughter…”What is symbolism?”  “What is a protagonist and how is that different from an antagonist?”  “Can you give an example of foreshadowing?” 

Her daughter knows most of the answers; she’s obviously a good student.   But when she does get stumped, her mom reads the guide’s definition out loud and I enjoy hearing them brainstorming concrete examples.  I also get a kick out of the daughter turning the tutoring session around now and again by teaching her mom what her English teacher explained about various story elements last week during class.

As an advocate for family engagement, I want to give them a standing ovation, but think better of it.  What if there’s an air marshal on board?  (Just kidding).   But this is exciting; I’m witnessing the power of parental involvement firsthand!  I’ve never met this family, but I am confident this young lady has a bright future ahead of her.  After all, she has a mother who is sending her the following indirect but very clear messages through her act of tutoring…

·        I have high academic expectations for you.

·        I will do whatever I can to help you learn and do well in school.

·        You are valued.  I believe in you.  I am proud of you. You are worthy of my time and efforts.  I love you.

The body of research on parent involvement reveals that students whose parents are actively engaged in their children’s educations (such as this lucky girl across the aisle), enjoy many benefits. These students generally have…

·        lower drop-out rates

·        better grades

·        better scores on standardized achievement tests

·        fewer behavior problems

·        lower incidents of drug use

·        lower teen pregnancy rates, and

·        are more likely to go on to college or technical training schools.

I believe every parent wants their child to succeed.  As my colleague Sherri Wilson put it recently, “No parent wishes for their child to do drugs, drop out of school, or become a ditch digger, right?”  But parents’ desires and words concerning their children must be backed up by ACTIONS!   More parents need to follow this mother’s example.  We can’t just tell our children we care and then somehow their names magically appear on the honor roll.   It’s much tougher than that, and yet it really is incredibly simple—Parents who spend time helping their children study at home have children who are much more likely to achieve in school.  So obvious and yet so under practiced.

Just now the mom turned around to her grandfather sitting in the row behind her and boasted, “I tell you what, if she doesn’t make an ‘A’ on this test, I’m going to have to go up to that school and talk to her teacher.  She’s gettin’ it on, she really knows her stuff!”  I couldn’t agree more, the daughter does “know her stuff”.  But I’d like to add her mom knows a thing or two about good parenting.  Kudos to this mom for backing up her words with actions!  

A few minutes ago I passed my laptop across the aisle and asked if they’d like to read the blog I just wrote about them.  I learned the girl’s name is Amber, her mom is Kim, and let’s don’t forget Grandpa Warren who generously offered me his words of wisdom for this blog.  He asked me to tell you that, “Good parenting is passed on between generations.  It’s a positive cycle.”  If it weren’t for those pesky air marshals I’d bellow, “Bravo! Bravo!” 

“BOO-tiful Word Play for Halloween”

Trick-or-Treat?  As a parent and educator I enjoyed a real treat this morning when my son played a delightful trick on me with words.  Yesterday, Max’s teacher told her third grade class to wear spooky t-shirts to school today for their Halloween party.  When Max came downstairs for breakfast this morning he we was wearing a Florida Gator t-shirt instead (his big sister is a senior at UF).  I reminded him it was spooky t-shirt day and instructed him to go change quickly or we’d be late for school. He replied, “But mmm-o-m, I am wearing a spooky shirt…have you seen the Gators play lately?  Instead of ‘boo!’ (waving his fingers like a ghost) it’s ‘booooo!’ (turning both thumbs down).”   Now that was laugh-out-loud funny to me!

Children can be such a delight!  We all should follow their lead and weave more fun in our daily lives.  And yes, I did let him wear the Gator shirt to school after all.   Right now I imagine he’s treating his classmates with his tricky word play as they innocently fall one-by-one into his well-laid trap that begins with the question… “Max, why aren’t you wearing a spooky shirt?” 

Have a ghost finger-waving kind of a BOO-tiful Halloween everybody! 

"Experience + Conversation = A Better Vocabulary"

My nine-year-old Max and I recently enjoyed a snorkeling trip together.  As we swam around the clear blue waters of the coral reefs, we spotted an incredible array of marine life in all the dazzling shades of the rainbow.  I recognized many of the species and knew their names so when we’d come up to clear our masks I’d say, “Can you believe how huge that sea anemone is?” or, “Did you spot that octopus camouflaged against that rock?”  Max sometimes asked me questions like, “Why are those thousands of little fish all swimming together?” And I’d explain how it was a strategy to protect themselves against larger prey and we refer to them as a “school” of fish.  We found it fascinating to dive into the school to watch the group react as if they were one large organism of a single mind.   Max reflected, “It’s like they’re a soccer team.”  We spotted sting rays, starfish, squid, sea turtles, eels, crabs, and Dori (“Yes Max, on the Disney screen that’s Dori, but it’s actually called a clown fish.”).  I recognized the more common species, but I admit I was clueless for the names of many.

That same afternoon we were in a tourist-trap shop and Max asked if we could buy a large laminated reference card that had labeled pictures of all the marine life that inhabited the area waters.  That evening he studied the card enthusiastically and the next day, you guessed it, the roles were reversed.  Max was now “in-the-know” and he reveled teaching me the names of species I had not known the day before such as cuttlefish, sea cucumbers, blood coral, etc.  I delighted in my son’s love of learning and played along trying to be a good student for him.   Max beamed with pride as I later recounted to the rest of our group on the beach all the different names of species Max had taught me.

Although children certainly pick up many new vocabulary words from reading or watching movies, “experience is the best teacher” as the saying goes.  It is the concrete real-world experiences in life that prove the most vivid and it is how we pick up the majority of the words we end up not only recalling but actually using on a regular basis.  Parents are children’s first and most influential teachers.  As parents we can capitalize on the time we spend with our children every day to boost their vocabularies by engaging them in rich conversations as we do so.  It doesn’t have to be anything as exotic as a snorkeling trip…it can be a trip to the grocery store, planting a small garden in the back yard, or a simple walk through the woods.

As we go through our daily lives we should strive to constantly engage our children in two-way conversations about what we’re seeing and experiencing together.  When you do this, make sure to give the proper labels for things and model how “smart people” extend learning experiences by seeking out more information from books, the internet, documentaries, etc.   So the next time you’re doing something seemingly ordinary like baking, invite your child in to the kitchen to help.  Your ordinary is extraordinary to a child who has only been walking on this planet a few short years.  Talk about what you’re doing so your child can take new words away from the first-hand experience.  Measure with teaspoons and tablespoons and show how each is represented by a “t” or a “T” on the recipe card.  Explain how yeast causes dough to rise.  Let your child actually do things like sifting and kneading and describe their actions using those terms.  Do this, and the next time your child is asked on a science test about the meaning of Fahrenheit, I guarantee he will recall the term from his experience of cooking with you in the kitchen and not from his homework assignment of copying the definition found in the back of his textbook three times.   

"What's in a Theme?"

I enthusiastically embrace the use of themes when creating workshops for families.  Name a theme, any fun theme… superheroes, magicians, astronauts, detectives, rock stars… you name it.  I’ve either done it or am eager to try it out in the future.  For our Readers of the Caribbean (RoC) workshops, the trainers and even the attending families dress up like pirates to go along with the workshop theme.  The costumes range from simple (a red bandana and eye patch) to elaborate, but the fantastic byproduct is positive energy that fuels the entire group’s learning experience.   One mom I met even painted a beard, moustache, and eye patch on her baby.  Move over Johnny Depp, this drooling pirate was too cute for words!    

One of the main reasons I believe in using themes for trainings is that themes tend to bring in the numbers. You can plan the best training in the world, but if no one shows up, what good does it do, right? 

A principal at a school where we did a RoC training recently was amazed to see over 300 participants show up for his school’s RoC night.  He told me his teachers had put an untold amount of time and energy the year before in preparing PowerPoint presentations to share effective tutoring strategies they use in their classroom with parents.  They were very disappointed when less than 25 total people showed up. 

Here was this same principal a year later scratching his head in wonder at the large crowd of pirate families waiting for the RoC event to start, but it was no mystery to me.  The land lubbing families were seeking some adventure in family night learning!

So what is it about a theme that attracts families to trainings at schools?  We could discuss a lot of plausible reasons why, but one is pretty obvious-- themes allude to trainings being fun.   And who doesn’t want to be entertained when learning? 

I think one of the more interesting reasons why themes bring in numbers is subtle yet simple: themes make the prospect of attending an educational training less intimidating for many parents.  If you think about it, school was not the most positive experience for many of the parents we are all trying to reach the most.  Why would adults with negative childhood memories of schooling want to return to the “scene of the crime?”

When I walk up to greet a family before a RoC workshop dressed to the nines in my pirate attire and big grin belting “Ahoy there me mateys!” it is amazing to me how quickly their defenses drop and we’re off to the races in establishing rapport.  Maybe it simply makes me more approachable because it is obvious even I’m not taking myself too seriously.

Blimey, what do ye’ think ye’ scurvy reader of me blog?  Do tell before me makes ye’ walk the plank!

Why should learning be a BLAST?

If you’ve heard rumors that I’ve been a little space-y lately, I must admit they’re absolutely true!  I just returned from delivering a keynote address at a conference in Orlando where I caught the audience of over 400 educators off-guard by literally bounding down the aisle in an astronaut costume, taking giant “slow motion” leaps as I melodramatically made my way up to the speaker’s podium.  I can still hear the reverb of the “Space Odyssey” music theme that blared loudly over the speakers as I did so! 

The theme of this 21^st Century Learning Center Annual Statewide Afterschool Conference was “Reach for the Stars: Celebrating Afterschool.” I embraced their theme whole-heartedly and titled my keynote, “Having a BLAST in Afterschool!”

Weeks before the conference I consulted with Lani Lingo, State Director of 21^st CCLC at the Florida Department of Education, to ask her what direction she’d like me to take in my address to her conference-goers.  She said she wanted me to encourage Afterschool providers to keep the fun in their programs for the sake of their students.  Providers have such pressure on them to meet high educational objectives that it’s no wonder “fun” is often left out of the lesson planning equation because frankly it’s just not on their “high-priority list.”

I believe that learning should be fun, and not just for fun’s sake.  There is a lot of research that supports the idea that having fun when learning actually improves the learning process.  So I used the acronym B.L.A.S.T. to convey five reasons why “fun” improves a student’s understanding of material as well as his or her long-term memory and recall of what is taught.  During my address I included several anecdotes from my own childhood where I vividly remember what I learned because my teachers incorporated fun into the lesson delivery. 

What are your thoughts along these lines?  Can you recall specific lessons taught to you long ago that make the point that fun actually enhances learning?  If so, please share with all of us!